Irrational Fears

Moving has forced me to face a lot of irrational stupid fears that I have. From driving alone to eating alone even just generally being alone, not to mention my fear of being anywhere outdoors at night that isn't lit up like Las Vegas Blvd.

I drove from from Searsport to my former home in Boston this weekend for a bachelorette party and to continue to clean out my old apartment. Beyond the fact that there was a lot more left in the apartment than I anticipated (which Mr. T got an earful about), it was a good chance to catch up with some people and generally decompress after the stress of moving. And I truly believed that, prior to getting up Friday morning. I had a job interview that day and was going to leave straight from there. So, an hour into my drive to the interview I decided that there was no way I was taking this job. It was an hour drive from my house in good weather with no traffic and it seemed to be a little too disorganized for me.

After a quick trip home (I forgot something), it was off on the open road... for 4 freaking hours. Now, for those that know me well, I have not owned a car in 5 years. I have shared one with Mr. T and don't really drive too much. I can drive, but I don't really like to, it's tedious and I have a short attention span. But armed with an audiobook and some Sugar Free Red Bull, off I went. I encountered virtually no traffic and started to enjoy my time alone. Stopping at the Burlington Mall (I was staying with my in-laws), I ate alone for the first time in years.

See, I consider myself a relatively independent person, but I have never once thought of myself as a loner. When I was a kid, I had my younger sister tagging along with me; in high school and college, I always had at least one best friend with whom to cause a ruckus. And then came Kevin, and much to his sister's disbelief (hehe), I actually enjoy hanging out with him all the time. So leaving him and the pup alone in the house and journeying on my own to another state, it's a little scary. Eating in a busy food court without someone to talk to or something to do is daunting. But I am slowly but surely getting used to it.

The outdoors thing is a whole other matter. At no point in my life will I ever be comfortable in this level of darkness. Seriously, no streetlights, not many passing headlights and one 60 watt bulb to protect me against any manner of outdoor creatures. Not to mention the fact that every time I talk to my mom she warns me to watch out for fisher cats. It doesn't matter that I have a 60 pound dog to protect me, I fear even the tiniest of creatures.