Cold (and Heartless) White North

I've always joked that I am a little bit heartless (even been called so in song), but I feel like this whole moving things has brought it out in me like little else has. Moving, very quickly, 300+ miles away from my friends and family and everything that I have known my whole life is traumatic but it seems like the people around me are reacting to it a lot more emotionally than I am. The truth is it's a sham. I am just putting on my inner Dr. Brennan (Bones) in an attempt to deal with it.

 

(Relocating for work is simply a logical imperative. Don't cry about it.)

I feel the most bad when talking to the people really close to me about it, my sisters, my mom, best friends. They can see the rational end of it, but it doesn't make it any less emotional. In all reality, the only person I see everyday is Mr. T and he is going with me, so I won't have the chance to miss him. For some people, it does not seem to be the physical distance, but more of an emotional distance. People are afraid they will lose touch, but I feel like it will be quite the opposite, I will have very few friends up there, and no job initially, so what else am I going to do besides catch up with people online.

It all came to a head though over the weekend. Mr. T had a golf tournament that he plays in every year, a friend of his who was KIA in Bagdhad in 2004. It's a great cause, close to his heart and he gets to hang out with his friends and goof off. And this year, before we found out about all this moving stuff, his father paid his entrance fee so how could he say no. He left bright and early Saturday morning and I was left by myself to clean and pack the house and get it in some semblance of order before prospective tenants came over to see it. Seems like an easy task, right? Fast-forward to 3:15pm (prospect coming at 4:30), I am the sweatiest that I have been in a long time, up to my elbows in home remedy cleaning supplies and supposed to be out the door in 45 minutes.

I got everything done, and went and had a very nice dinner and wine evening with one of my best girlfriends, but it was an incredibly trying afternoon. Mr. T met me at our friend's house. We hung out with them and their baby and then headed home to catch some shut eye before doing it all again. Arriving home, we were greeted by one of our awful neighbors butchering Springsteen and we collapsed in bed. Whether it was the sheer exhaustion, the fast approaching move date or just all the emotions catching up with me, my facade fell like the Berlin Wall on Sunday morning. I had gotten ready to go, put on eyeliner and was headed out to a family party and next thing I know, I am sobbing with black streaks running down my face. I had my moment, collected myself and went about my day, but I know that this will happen again, just hopefully, it will be a little more convenient next time.

-- Not so Heartless.

Packing is Stressful

Statistically, studies show that moving is one of the most stressful things a person can do in their life. I am trying not to cave and be a statistic but it is really difficult. Over the weekend, fueled by a trenta black iced coffee and very berry hibiscus refresher (for Mr. T), we started what will henceforth be referred to as "The Great Purge."

In every sense of the word, this adventure is going to teach us to live simply. After 3 years in the same place, you accumulate a lot of stuff. Not to mention over 10 years of living on your own. I am frankly, really sick of having to move things that I don't need, or will never use so we are donating or throwing away a lot of unnecessary things. Starting with clothes in our bedroom, moving on to the office and living room, at the end of the day, we had 9 bags of clothes (up to 11 now) and 3 bags of books & housewares that we brought to Goodwill (making sure to get a receipt). Even though thinking of the tax write off was amazing, mostly, it just felt incredible to get rid of all that unnecessary stuff. We will be continuing to get rid of things as the week progresses and hopefully when the truck pulls up, we will only be taking what we need to Maine.

All of this is incredibly stressful though, no doubt about it. Trying to condense your entire life into boxes and deciding what is and isn't important in 10 minutes is emotionally and physically draining. You are reliving everything you experienced with that CD or where you wore that shirt, but it's much more economical to hold on the the memories, not the item. Unfortunately, Mr. T rarely feels the same way, he assigns sentimental value to things and I understand it, I just can't do the same for some things. Going through old papers and notes, I found notes I passed with friends in high school and corrected homework from 2000. While it was nice to take a brief trip down memory lane, I can keep the memories, I don't need the physical reminders.

Packing has unfortunately distracted me from the rest of my life. I have been bad about getting together with friends and family before we go and completely distracted me from my Dad's big 50th birthday (tomorrow). I'm taking him to dinner and we got him a gift (which is stuck in shipping) but I feel like a little bit of a schmuck not doing more. In addition, one of my girlfriends and I have been trying to plan a night out (she just had a baby) for a while and just haven't been able to connect scheduling-wise and now it feels slightly rushed. We made plans for this weekend and I am definitely going to enjoy it, but I am wishing we had more time.

Like I keep reminding everyone, this is happening very quickly, but it's not like we are moving forever and we are not going that far. Plus, if people read my blog (shameless plus), they will be able to keep up with me anyway.

Concessions (and I'm not talking snacks)

Being about 2 weeks from leaving my job and moving to another state, basically, upending my life, I told Mr. T when this all happened that I had some requests, concessions on his part, that were going to be part of the deal.

I don't like being far from home. When I went to Girl Scout Camp when I was 10, I cried every day and ran to the car when my mom came to pick me up. My hair was so crazy she said it looked like I hadn't brushed it all week. Now, part of my dismay at being away was that they only let us shower once a day and the showerswas outside and you were sleeping outside. I tend to think of camping as "pretending to be homeless" and don't appreciate it. I have all the respect in the world for people who do, but it is just not for me. So needless to say, moving to a tiny town and giving up a lot of the conveniences of home is seeming a little like camp all over.

Concession 1: "Ridiculous Cable Package"
I love television. Seriously, it's a problem. Sometimes when I read, I feel like I'm cheating on TV with books. TV always forgives me though. As a result, moving to Maine meant spending a lot more time in the house, by myself (as I don't have a job yet), so TV was going to be my crutch. I requested that we get all of the channels. And I was Ron Swanson serious about it.

I want all the channels. A few crucial ones were the movie channels, HBO for True Blood and Showtime for Weeds reruns. I also require the NHL network, which as a bonus, came with other sports package items that I don't care about (read: NBA Network).

Concession 2: Car with 4 Wheel Drive
On my best days, I would consider myself a mediocre driver. I drive slowly and don't deal well with any sort of crisis. If there is weather, forget it. For these and many other reasons, I haven't owned a car in close to 5 years. Now, Mr. T and I do have two vehicles, but one of them is a motorcycle which I cannot use so we mostly share a lovely Scion xB wagon that he bought before we met. It's cute, great on gas and surprisinglt bigger on the inside than it seems to be. Although the Scion is a trusty little machine, it's not exactly an off-road vehicle and moving to Maine means dealing with mass quantities of snow, ice, freezing rain and just general suck.

 

(Look mom, that toaster is sliding all over the ice, eh?)

So I asked for a car, it hasn't officially been confirmed with the budget czar that this is happening, but it is in the works. I don't want anything too big, but I've been partial to the Jeep Patriot, Ford Escape and Dodge Journey, anyone have any experience with any of those, let me know.

While neither of those were dealbreakers in moving, I figured we're going to be saving a ton of money in moving and his pay stays the same. We will be paying less than half of what we are paying currently for rent in Boston and we will be largely alone and there aren't a ton of places to go spend money, so besides my online shopping binges and jaunts to the Bangor Mall, I'm hoping we can put away a decent chunk of change.

For now it's back to packing and purging. I have never been so ruthless about throwing things away before but I really love it.

Social Media

So I live in a digital world. Facebook, Twitter and my iPhone allow for constant contact with the world, for better or for worse. I embrace it, but that doesn't mean I have to love it.

When making this decision, we kept our immediate family in the loop, but held off on telling other people until we had made our final decision. Almost like announcing a running mate in a political race, you want to make sure all parties have been vetted before you make a big announcement, lest something "go rogue. " Ask anyone around me, I am terrible at keeping secrets. Kevin has found out about every surprise I have tried to throw for him. Trying to keep this a secret was hard, but we mostly managed it by the time things went public.

Since almost all of our friends are on Facebook, we decided to post it there to let people know. In what could be seen as an impersonal move, it was the quickest means to an end. Given the quirks (nicest way to put it) of Facebook, I have no idea of knowing how many people know about this and how many don't, but my thought process is, if people want to know, they will find out more and if they don't, then they can just ignore it. Mostly, that's my way of saying "read it or don't, but don't bitch to me when you don't know things."

With all of that being said, I am pretty terrible at participating in social media. I don't interact with people as much as I should, I am not all over writing on walls for birthdays, and even though I check it a lot, I feel somewhat like a passive participant in it. I also fiercely control what others are able to view on social media, which seems to not be the norm. It's both for professional and personal purposes. Professionally, it can be damaging for your potential employer to see your pictures from a friends wedding where you had one too many and personally, I just partially can't stand when everyone knows my business. Which makes this whole blog thing a freaking riot, all my stuff, on display.


Social media in this situation is going to be great, it's going to allow for continued contact with "civilization" as I call it. I can shop Kate Spade sales when I am nowhere near a store, I can live-tweet with my sister-in-law about anything and everything on TV, and I can desperately huff at the fumes of the city. So, I guess what I am doing is imploring you all as I embark on this, force me to actively participate in social media and interact along with me.

Exposition

So, there are a few items of pre-requisite knowledge you'll need before embarking on this adventure with me:

• After 3 decades of living in the same 10 city blocks my whole life, I'm being transplanted to rural coastal Maine for my huband's job.
• I am a sarcastic, witty, sometimes-uppity bitch. I enjoy nice things. I get the feeling it will be difficult to find them where I'm going.
• I'm somewhat crafty and so there will be some departures here where I don't talk about moving, but plan some sort of craft/sewing project.

Cast of Characters:

• ME! (Aka Mrs. T) - I write this blog, enjoy crafting and video games (although I do a lot more of the latter than the former) and cooking/baking. I'm a total city kid, walked everywhere, took the train, don't currently own a car so this is going to be a huge change. I once said about moving to Maine, "I will drink, every day."
• Mr.T - Husband of 1.5 years, been together for 5. All around good dude, serious gamer and works for a health care IT company. Could not describe his job if you paid me to. I told my parents for the first year we were dating that he did IT, he does not even remotely do IT and just shook his head at me. He's very helpful at getting things from high shelves and lifting heavy objects as well.
• Tessie - Our loveable, hyper 5 year old Boxer/American Bulldog mix. We adopted her at 14 months old and she's been our bug ever since. She will pursue any small animal that she sees as an imminent threat to home security, including but not limited to: cats, squirrels, birds, bugs and the mailman (not small or an animal, but a threat nonetheless).

So I think that about covers the basics. To expand on point 1, I really have lived within the same 10 city blocks my entire life, with the exception of college and breif forays in apartment living after, my permanent residence has always been within 2 neighboring zip codes. I took the T to high school, I walked everywhere and my parents are all employed in some capacity by the city, (Mom is a Health Inspector, stepdad is a Boston Firefighter and dad works for Boston Police). I have a younger brother who is a Strength Coach at UAlbany, a younger sister who is a waitress and in nursing school and a much younger sister who is in first grade.

Living in the city has some inherent advantages, for example, you CAN walk everywhere. There is a corner store where you will begrudingly be sent to for milk/eggs/soda before dinner, but gladly stop at on your way home from the bus stop for some Cheez Doodles and soda . You are never bored in the city, there is always something to do or somewhere to go, and you can get everywhere for just a few dollars on the train. You also are exposed to different cultures, ethnicities and socio-economic groups in the city, something that is rare in a suburb or rural area. I loved every minute of growing up in a city.

Mr. T is more of a suburban kid, born outside Chicago and raised in a town north of Boston. He had his fair share of city life, riding the commuter Rail to see punk shows and going to college in the city, but his family lives a kind idyllic suburban life complete with a golden retriever. Compared with the loud, fast-moving, sometimes chaotic life I had, it was a trip going to my in laws for the first couple of months. It was really quiet, and there was a yard, and no one sped up and down their street blasting rap. I slowly got used to it, but even 5 years later, it's a little unnerving.

About a month ago, right before an exciting trip to California with the in-laws, Mr. T found out that his company that he's been with for 8 years is transferring his position to their satellite office in rural, coastal Maine. Initially I fought it, thinking that he would find another position either within his company or something else. I work for a university in Boston, my job is not transferable and I make good money, but not enough to sustain our life here if he is unmployed. So after a decent amount of hesitation and a scouting missing, we decided to make a giant change, and are taking the giant leap and moving to Maine. This is going to be an adventure and here's where the blog comes in. I'm going to put by hard-earned college education to work and document this adventure, because that is exactly what it will be, an adventure.

So here goes nothing!